Tuesday, July 29, 2008
It's that feeling when January 1st rolls on in and I set aside a huge list of New Year's resolutions with a sigh of accomplishment. Somehow jotting down a list of will-dos makes me feel like they're already did-dos, when in actuality, all I accomplished was writing words on paper. But it's a start.
It's the feeling I get when I look at my children as newborns. For a day or so I feel like the perfect mom and I have every intention to always be the perfect mom. With my first, it only took a few hours before my stint as a perfect mom ended. I was exhausted and my baby was crying incessently, so I relented and pushed the call button next to my hospital bed. When the nurse arrived, I asked her to take my baby to the nursery because I needed to sleep. She took her away, but I didn't sleep. I cried because I was less than 24 hours into motherhood and couldn't take care of my baby. (Dramatic, I know.) But from my then-hormonal perspective we had those hours of brief perfection as a mother and child, and it felt peaceful.
It's that feeling I get after I repent, confess, make amends, or have been forgiven. Briefly, all is right in my world. I can start anew.
It's the feeling I have right now as I start seriously writing again. I feel relief because I'm listening to the voice in my ear that tells me I need to write; I'm obeying the sometimes nagging tap on my shoulder...write (tap), write (tap), write (tap) it whispers.
Ideally, I'd love to post everyday. As of now, I've done that perfectly. Ah, perfection--so fleeting, but though I love to strive for perfection, what a bore life would be if I were always perfect or became perfect in an instant. I like working towards it, a little at a time. Sometimes moving backwards, but always inching back and forth, progressing toward my dreams as I keep beginning.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
And thank you, thank you Melissa for doing such a spectacular job at making it. I can't thank you enough!
And a big thanks to my mom who crocheted the beautiful blanket.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
- This is not an understatement: Maggie tells me she loves me at least 50 times out of nowhere everyday. It sure doesn't get old.
- She's very particular and opinionated. Her duvet cover has to be just right when I tuck her in at night. You've probably heard or read about her opinion in the fashion department. I still can't figure out what it is she's after (mix match? dresses only? bathing suit?). There's always an opinion, though.
- She mostly gallops everywhere. Every once in awhile there's a deliberate run to her stride, fists clenched, her arms in a perfect "L" shape, chin down, but it turns back into a graceful gallop before long, and not long after that she takes fairy flight with her arms extended backwards and behind her. "I'm flying, Mom, I'm flying!" she calls.
- She's incredibly independent and normally refuses help at all costs. She has never been one to bat an eye when I leave her with someone. She's been babysat by a teenager a few times and this last time I left her with someone she'd never really seen or met before and she went up and gave her a big hug and said, "Bye, Mom!" (A little scary, eh?)
- When she watched the firework show on the Fourth, she kept jumping up and down saying, "It's magical, Mom, it's magical!!" This brings me to Maggie and the topic of magic. I mentioned in an earlier post that she has an imaginary friend; well, now she has a magical kingdom of imaginary friends that are the size of fairies. She's always scooping them up and taking them places. We were all in the car ready to run some errands the other day and I heard her from the back seat say, "Tinkerbell, you can't fly up there!" She has two sisters (twins), Whya and Hiya, and gets rather upset if you mix them up. And there's another one, too, but its name is jibberish to me. I can't make sense of it.
- Her smile, when she chooses to flash it, melts. my. heart.
- She loves to be read to. Oftentimes she tells me that she's ready for her nap because she anxious for us to cozy up to some books. And I love that she brings her books into her life. We're in love with the Fancy Nancy books right now and just today she said, "I want a squizit (exquisite) birfday!" She got that from Fancy Nancy and often pretends to be her.
To sum things up, Maggie is a beautiful angel girl who lights up my life and I love her dearly. I wish there were different words to say "I love you" because it's one of those things where of course I love my kids, but really, I love you, Maggie, every last princess ounce of you.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
- As my mom so perfectly said earlier today, he continues to surprise us! He popped up two bottom teeth this week; He's huge for his age; He rarely spits up; He often sleeps through the night.
- In the early morning hours, when I'm usually not ready to greet a new day, I bring him in bed with me and lie him on my chest and he sleeps and snuggles with me for about an hour. It's easily one of my favorite times of the day.
- His love for us is so transparent. He smiles every time Maggie comes near him, even though half the time she's a little rough around him. He does the same thing with Magnet. All Magnet has to do is look his way and he starts kicking like an Olympian and smiling like he won the gold.
- He's all boy. I look at his arms that are so fat that they look muscular and think, wow, those are definitely boy arms, and then on down to his thunder thighs and down even farther to his especially masculine big toe. When I tried those hair bows I crocheted on him to see how they'd look on a baby, he threw his biggest fit yet and didn't look at all girlish.
- He's a good eater. He already follows my fork at the dinner table, his eyes telling us so clearly that he'd just like to taste a little. There will be no cajoling and counting bites with this kid. He's going to go to town when he's introduced to solids. I'm betting he's even gonna like eating his vegetables.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
But you know what? My next stretch was seven days! And now I'm on day two of round three and I really think there's something to this. I really feel like my head is adjusting, although it's coming at a cost to my psychologic health. I'm now paranoid about whether I look like I have dirty hair. Before leaving for church on Sunday (day seven of round two) I asked Magnet a gazillion times if my hair looked dirty as I hopped from mirror to mirror in our house, making sure that I was passing the dirty hair check from every possible vantage point. I felt a tad greasy, but there wasn't time to hop back in the shower for another shampoo reunion, so I suffered paranoia at church and promptly washed my hair the next morning. Now I'm shooting for an eight-day stretch.
On to other hair news. When I washed my hair two days ago, a both dreaded and dreadful thing happened. Some hair fell out in the shower. The bliss of not losing hair for my nine months of pregnancy has come to an end. I now have fuzzy hairline syndrome to look forward to--in a year! (Why does it have to take my hair so long to grow???) This reminds me... I noticed a weird looking "stain" on Magson's sheets that same day I lost that hair. As I got a closer look and put my hand to the sheets, I realized it was fuzz--baby Magson hair fuzz. We're both losing our hair. How monumental. Maybe I should jot it down in his baby book.
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