Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Beginnings

Oh, how I love beginnings. With a new beginning comes unlimited potential; in the beginning perfection is within grasp.

It's that feeling when January 1st rolls on in and I set aside a huge list of New Year's resolutions with a sigh of accomplishment. Somehow jotting down a list of will-dos makes me feel like they're already did-dos, when in actuality, all I accomplished was writing words on paper. But it's a start.

It's the feeling I get when I look at my children as newborns. For a day or so I feel like the perfect mom and I have every intention to always be the perfect mom. With my first, it only took a few hours before my stint as a perfect mom ended. I was exhausted and my baby was crying incessently, so I relented and pushed the call button next to my hospital bed. When the nurse arrived, I asked her to take my baby to the nursery because I needed to sleep. She took her away, but I didn't sleep. I cried because I was less than 24 hours into motherhood and couldn't take care of my baby. (Dramatic, I know.) But from my then-hormonal perspective we had those hours of brief perfection as a mother and child, and it felt peaceful.

It's that feeling I get after I repent, confess, make amends, or have been forgiven. Briefly, all is right in my world. I can start anew.

It's the feeling I have right now as I start seriously writing again. I feel relief because I'm listening to the voice in my ear that tells me I need to write; I'm obeying the sometimes nagging tap on my shoulder...write (tap), write (tap), write (tap) it whispers.

Ideally, I'd love to post everyday. As of now, I've done that perfectly. Ah, perfection--so fleeting, but though I love to strive for perfection, what a bore life would be if I were always perfect or became perfect in an instant. I like working towards it, a little at a time. Sometimes moving backwards, but always inching back and forth, progressing toward my dreams as I keep beginning.

1 comment:

  1. seriously marie, i am speechless. i sat staring at your second sentence "with a new beginning comes...." and just kept reading it, it struck something in me because of the absolute truth in it. you have a gift. i can't wait to read on.

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